as i grew older, the decorations and toys and such began to mean less and less and the moments just meant more and more. times with aunt and uncle became my foundation of security and stability. in no way were my divorced parents neglectful or bad parents. i have wonderful parents who raised me well. but in my little heart, safety was at aunt and uncle's where everything always felt ok. there were no dangers in their home, their arms, their love. they created the stability i needed to appreciate the love at home, too.
almost ten years ago, my uncle had a fatal heart attack. my aunt lost any sense of stability and safety she knew with his passing. much like she had created a magical haven for all the children in her care over the years, he had created a wonderland of love, security, and grace for her. when he passed, i suppose for her those secure feelings did too.
and so the clinging began. always a pack rat, years of things were already in her house. but after his death, everything was kept. things began to accumulate such that drawers would no longer close. you could not enter certain rooms because things would block your way. an attic larger than some homes so overflowed with stuff no one could pass the first few feet. the beautiful and magical home became a wasteland of innumerable unnamable items. you could not pass the front threshold without a chill of chaos and desperation. the stuff took over where the security had once been.
i won't say i am surprised. i can only imagine the need for control and to keep things the same in the wake of sudden, unexpected, devastating tragedy. something immeasurably precious to you disappearing without warning, without reason in the blink of an eye? if it were me, i think i may begin to cling to anything in sight to try to keep from going over the edge and losing my mind. but it's a false security isn't it? the things will only give an appearance of the status quo. the things will never heal the hurt or ease the loneliness. the things will never wrap loving arms around you and comfort you, celebrate memories or special occasions. the things will never love you. the things will only take over your home and life...and make it impossible to enjoy and live.
and so it has been for almost ten years. her home has been filled with things but neither magic nor joy.
but now, today, something is different. i go to my aunts with my baby sister. we go just to say hi and see how she is doing. but today, rather than awkwardly stepping over strange and old items, there is a path. there is open space. big chunks of open unclustered uninvaded space. there are boxes labeled things like "sell" and "give away."
our aunt sits us down. she says she is wanting to make some money by selling off some of her stuff, but she is not sure how and she needs our help. she has snow village houses lined up to be cleaned and shipped. she has china and crystal and knick nacks and this and that...all ready to be sold. and there it is: the 12 inch Mr. T doll. still in the box form 1983. never played with, never enjoyed by a child. my sister pulls the string and he tells us to always listen to our parents and that he pitties the fool. the speech is slurred but we laugh anyway. my aunt tells me she is ready to sell it and hundreds of other items. she is ready to clean out and take control of her house and her life again.
so, the 12 inch Mr. T is now on ebay. no one has made an offer on him yet, but he is still there. he reminds me daily that God is in the business of changing lives and taken the broken parts and turning them into miracles. no matter what worldly things you have clung to or attempted to use a filler for the Lord, He can and will be huge in your situation, right the wrongs and heal the hurts. He will put your life back together if you let Him. i thank God for choosing to change my aunt's life and bringing the magic back. i thank God there is a 12 inch Mr. T in a box in my house labeled "sell for aunt" and not blocking her path to life, love, and joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment